Why Do We Sink Into Emotional Dependence

Every person, regardless of whether it is a man or woman, young or old, has been in a relationship that has been based on emotional dependence. Sometimes we think we can not sink into emotional dependence. But it is worth remembering that people in these relationships also did not think they would be affected by this.

Therefore, before we say something so radical, let us ask ourselves something. What leads us into emotional dependence? What do we feel in such a type of relationship? How can we tell if our relationship is based on addiction or not?

If we are aware of what a dominant-dependent relationship is, we can see much more easily if we are in one. If we have become part of a dysfunctional bond. This can give us extra strength to change the situation. We can also detect when others are in such a situation, so that we can try to warn them.

We all have expectations regarding ourselves and the partner we would like to meet. These ideas are influenced by social and cultural perceptions. In our case, we have been taught that we must have a romantic partner in order to be happy. We must also prioritize this partner over everything else (Castelló, 2006).

We are constantly looking for romantic relationships to be complete, so that they can fill our gaps. We search externally instead of looking inside. This creates a situation where we are not sufficient by just being ourselves. We reach our fears and look for others to cover this up.

The way we bond is, on the other hand, governed by the perceived affection during childhood (Guix, 2011). If, for example, we became overprotected, we feel insecure and look for people who will protect us. If, on the other hand, we developed very few affective bands or none at all, we will desperately look for someone who will give us the care we need.

The type of relationship we see in our parents will also affect our romantic relationships. If, for example, during childhood we saw a relationship that was based on dominance and dependence, where love and abuse went hand in hand, then we may establish the same type of relationship as adults, especially since we have first-hand knowledge of the mechanisms that maintain such situation.

The best thing would have been that we did not search for a second half to feel perfect, because it simply does not exist. In fact, to be and one of us is complete and perfect. We are responsible for our own happiness. We should also create our own criterion when it comes to choosing how we want to interact with our partner. We should not allow ourselves to be too influenced by the patterns of others. It is important to be clear about what we want and do not want in a relationship.

We can not be ourselves in a relationship that is based on addiction. We feel limited and always go like eggshells so as not to upset the partner. Anxiety, mistrust, guilt and fear are common emotions.

These are “symptoms” that can be a product of low self-esteem. The individual may feel worthless in front of his partner. The person is very dependent on their partner and feels afraid of being alone and can not cope with this.

When we are in a toxic relationship, we tend to put up with more than we should. We put up with rude comments, derogatory glances and silence treatment, constant questions that are meant to be controlled, lies… We put up with verbal and sometimes physical aggressions.

The idealization of the partner leads to excusing his behavior. This can include fatigue, nerves, the person doing as well as he can, etc. We often believe that the person will change. Other times it is what we see outside of all this that makes us stay and we sink even then into emotional dependence.

How do we know if our relationship is based on addiction?

It is not easy to see that the relationship you are in is based on emotional dependence, but there are always indicators and signs that reflect this dysfunctional situation, such as our emotions. Our own feelings can show us that the relationship is not working well. In a healthy relationship, we should not be afraid or suffer.

When we are in a relationship, we can lose our perspective and only see things that we like about our partner. In fact, we become blind to the things we do not want to see. We often wake up when we have been on the wrong path for a long time (Grad, 2015). It is therefore important that you listen – listen to authentic advice from people who know us well, so as not to sink into emotional dependence. However, you should not obey their suggestions, but think for yourself.

But why do we go through a relationship that makes us suffer? Especially considering that it is something that should be a free choice that we have made, because we considered our partner to be important and credible, as well as an unconditional support. If this is not the case then maybe you should break this dynamic or rethink the situation.

In fact, we can have a healthy relationship without addiction or suffering, and which is instead based on trust and respect. It is therefore important to keep in mind that part of the responsibility is our own. We are not responsible for what the other person does, but we are responsible for what we do. If we change (act ourselves or ask for help), the situation will change, and we will not sink into emotional dependence.