What You Admire In Others Says A Lot About You

In recent times, the so-called “mirror law” has become very important as a tool for self-awareness and personal development. You may have heard of it. You may have even used it to understand how the things that bother you in other people relate to you. What you may not be as familiar with is that what you admire in others also says a lot about you.

Admiration is a positive feeling. It is nice for both the admirer and the admirer. For this reason, we do not tend to spend time analyzing why a specific trait or behavior in others creates admiration. But in reality , all social relationships function as reflections of your own inner self and give you really valuable information about yourself.

Admiring others is healthy as long as you do it in a constructive and inspiring way. However, it can also lead to you developing a biased view of both the other and yourself. For this reason, it is time to start asking yourself why you are fascinated by certain qualities in others.

What you admire in others

People who are like you

This is perhaps the easiest to understand. In fact, research has shown that we are more attracted (on a personal level, not just romantic) to the people who are more like us. In other words, when people display traits or values ​​that they share with you and that you consider relevant, you respond positively and with admiration.

Say, for example, that you are an extremely polite and respectful person and that you consider these to be two of your best virtues. For this reason, you tend to reinforce these traits as you are proud to have them. In the same way, when you interact with an equally well-behaved and caring person, you will admire and appreciate that side of his personality.

They have something you are missing

This is the other extreme. You admire in another what you are not and would like to be. However, it’s not just that. In fact, for a trait to fascinate you, it must be something that you consider impossible to develop yourself.

It’s something that has happened to all of us at some point. For example, you may be amazed at a friend’s social skills and extraversion while being extremely shy. Or you may find that your partner’s determination is really inspiring because you are too indecisive. On the other hand, you may know someone who has been fortunate enough to leave their job and pursue their passion. You may feel that God, the universe or luck has given this person a special ability.

When you feel great admiration for someone, it may be because that person shows the exact opposite of your shortcomings. In fact, the person has qualities that you appreciate as really positive but yourself feel unable to achieve.

How does what you admire in others affect you?

Admiring something that is already within you can be a good tool to get to know yourself better and start appreciating yourself. Perhaps you have not yet become aware that the good manners or caring that you value so highly in another person is also a fantastic attribute in you.

However, difficulties can arise when what you admire shows you what you are missing. At first glance, this may seem harmless. You interact with a person who complements you and this can be enriching for both of you. Still, you risk idealizing the other.

By clearly seeing the qualities of the other person that you really would like but feel you lack, you tend to overestimate those qualities and lose perspective. Consequently, from now on you can become dependent on the partner, friend or family member you consider to be so much more capable and talented than you are. Or you can start to envy them. This can mean that you start to get angry and frustrated at not being able to achieve these qualities yourself.

Work with yourself

If you find yourself in this situation, pay attention to what your admiration tells you. Ask yourself if the qualities you see in the other are really the type you want to develop. Also, to what extent you do not have them.

From here, you can start working actively to acquire or improve them. Use what you admire so much in others to get to know yourself and be inspired to be who you really want to be.