Wanting To Be All Right Is An Unnecessary Waste
When we try to be all right, we end up not liking ourselves. For how many times have we said yes to others and no to ourselves? How many times have we sacrificed our will, our desires and our feelings to make someone else happy?
We have probably done this many times in our lives, because the line between “giving in” in a healthy way and “giving in” too much is very blurred. We can say without a doubt that it is dangerous and unnecessary.
From this point of view, we can sometimes find it difficult to keep our spirits up when we have to say no to something that destroys us. It can also be that our voice shakes and we avoid eye contact. But it is important to learn to firmly protect our core.
One of the definitions of “determination” that most closely matches today’s language comes from the psychologist Walter Riso, who says the following:
When we manipulate our will, we make ourselves incapable of refusing something despite its negative consequences for us. Doing this is toxic; it is drinking water from the well of infinite unhappiness and becoming dissatisfied individuals who are angry with themselves and enormously frustrated that their opinions and beliefs are not valued.
An Asian teacher saw a drowning scorpion and decided to take it out of the water, but when he did, the scorpion stung him. Because of the pain, the teacher released it, and the scorpion began to drown again. The teacher tried to pick it up, and again the animal stabbed him. Someone who was watching asked the teacher:
– Excuse me, but why are you so stubborn? Do not you see that it will sting you every time you pick it up?
The teacher replied:
– It is in the nature of scorpion to knit, but it will not change mine, which is to help.
So with the help of a few leaves, the teacher picked up the scorpion and saved its life. “Do not change your nature if someone hurts you; just be careful. ” What others think of you is not your problem, but theirs.
We should not change who we are just because someone has let us down or hurt us. We must learn to manage our will and re-evaluate the circumstances in order to adapt our strategies to them.
At the same time , it is not a solution to re-evaluate our feelings towards others intuitively. We must strive and manage our expectations in such a way that we are true to our principles, without negative emotions.
However, we must also say that determination, not being all right and protecting ourselves does not mean that we will not feel bad, because it usually goes hand in hand with unwanted rejections and loss of people and things we need ( for example to refuse to disclose personal information that is not relevant to the position we are applying for in an interview).
As I said, wanting to be good to everyone comes at a high personal price that cannot be avoided because our self-esteem is weakened, just like our dignity and determination. That is why we must protect ourselves and take preventive measures to protect our essence and not suffer unnecessarily. The key is to say NO when required.
