Toxic Conditions: Consequences For Children

Anyone who psychologically abuses their partner – who exploits, looks down on, humiliates and destroys him and his self-esteem – commits indirect abuse. Indirect but horrific abuse of their children. To constant witness a toxic relationship has consequences for the children. They become sad guardians of an emotional legacy marked by sometimes irreversible consequences.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO) and the World Economic Forum (WEF) , mental illness is one of the main reasons preventing people from working in the world. You may not know that a large proportion of them originate in toxic or abusive relationships and its psychological consequences for children. Indicators such as post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety disorder, chronic pain, asthma and even diabetes are silent but persistent signs of these types of dysfunctional relationships.

Social authorities and health facilities point to the need to “train” victims of this type of physical or psychological abuse, and not to stigmatize them. When we say “train” we are talking about providing these people, men or women, with sufficient resources and confrontation strategies to be able to see the psychological and emotional value in themselves again. Then they should be able to return to their normal lives.

Something we often ignore, forget or overlook is the children. The children who have witnessed this harmful dynamic, these completely toxic environments, from a very early age.

These children have quietly internalized each particle; they have internalized every gesture, every word and every tear in their impressionable, innocent senses. All this is often done with total knowledge of how it may affect their lives.

For we must not forget that the cycle of violence is like a snake eating its own tail. The same thing is repeated over and over again, with the same dynamics. Perhaps the children who witness toxic relationships today are the same people who become new victims or perpetrators tomorrow.

“No, I have never lifted a finger at my children or my partner.” Unfortunately, this is often the reaction of perpetrators of psychological abuse who leave no marks, no wounds proving the abuse and harm inflicted on the home.

The fact that no blows were dealt and that there are no visible marks makes the situation even more complicated. In these cases , the victims find it difficult to see it as abuse. They even tend to blame themselves.

And that guilt and responsibility does not only grow in the victim; it also grows in children. As witnesses constantly present, it has consequences for the children, who experience the same feelings as the victim. For the children, only additional passengers are on the train of pain, on a track that takes everyone to the same place.

We must not forget what Jean Piaget explains in his theory of children’s cognitive development: 2-7 year old children have a self-centered focus where the world revolves around them. Because of this, the child will feel that the mother’s or father’s pain, as well as screams and quarrels, are due to something it did.

As a result (and it is important to remember this), children are also victims of toxic conditions. It does not matter if they were behind a door, did not see anything or still do not know how to walk, read, bike or name the constellations that appear in the window every night.

Children listen and feel, they interpret the world in their own way, and as a result , few things are more devastating to their childhood than growing up in an environment with such a neurotic, destructive emotional backdrop.

Sometimes both members contribute in a relationship to a toxic relationship. There are people who are incapable of constructing a stable and emotional environment. They are characterized by a swaying dynamic where affection and aggression, closeness and cruelty create a very dysfunctional situation that above all has consequences for the children.

Abusive relationships come in many forms and sizes. They exist in all socio-economic classes. But the true victims of these emotional mazes are children. To build one’s identity in circumstances characterized by abuse is often how the cycle of violence begins. We must not forget that people tend to repeat the psychological and behavioral patterns they are used to.

So after surviving our parents’ toxic relationships, what we mentioned above can lead to us becoming new victims or perpetrators because we have internalized the same emotional language. To counteract this effect and put an end to the cycle of abuse, we must have access to the right tools.

Children who have witnessed this dynamic need help, probably therapy. So do the parents. Because if there is something every child deserves, it is a chance to live in a non-violent environment. They deserve to be taught how to live well. They should be brought up in a consistent and respectful way.

Above all, they deserve a beautiful relationship with parents who know how to be affectionate, who are capable of loving.