The Unwanted Child
The optimum is for a child to come into the world when it is called by the minds and hearts of its parents. But many situations in life do not play out perfectly. A large number of pregnancies are unplanned and unwanted.
The result? Many, many people begin their lives in a mixture of total or partial absence of meaning for their existence.
Abortion is still an alternative that is strongly rejected by certain parts of society.
In these cases, the decision to give rise to a new life is governed primarily by moral duty, and not by affection or longing. The consequences of these situations can be very serious.
It is possible that some mothers and fathers do not want a child at a given point in life. If a pregnancy occurs under these circumstances, there are two options:
Either the parents fail to suppress their rejection of the new being, or they end up in a process where they reconsider their expectations and succeed in building a wish, based on new emotions that are stirred up.
If the father, mother or both fail to accept a child’s existence, they can choose to literally abandon the child or suppress their feelings and understand that the situation is something that fate faces.
The baby will be an intruder for both of them, whether they agree to give birth and raise it or not.
The most common in these cases is that the child grows up in an environment of emotional rejection.
Yes, the child receives food, but it is not given with love. Yes, it gets a roof over its head, but it feels like a stranger in its own home.
Suppressed emotions always come back to bite you, even if they are generally disguised as something else. This is also why many parents who have an unwanted child become extremely jealous of it. They do not even want oxygen to touch it.
They perceive the child as a being who can be easily destroyed, precisely because their bonds of affection are extremely fragile. When it comes to the unwanted child , the parents rarely try to spend quality time with it. Playing is nothing but a waste of time. And every chance to talk to it will feel uncomfortable and tense. They feel as if they “have nothing to say”.
The emotional distance to the parents leaves strong traces in people. There is an inner belief that “something is missing”, as if there is a latent question but not enough words to ask it.
It will be very difficult for the unwanted child to build healthy relationships of affection in his adult life. Love is a foreign language to it. It does not know how to solve the codes, let alone how to put them together. It is very difficult for it to need and be needed.
An affectionate relationship can stifle it: it is a defense against intimacy, which it has never experienced. Normally, it alternates between selfishness and deep feelings of inferiority. It does not understand what a balanced and healthy self-esteem is.
This is why the unwanted child more often than not completely avoids his conflicts with fellow human beings and superiors, or does nothing but generate them. It speaks persistently about the broken relationship that marked the beginning of its stay in the world.
A person with such a background will need help to get through the gaps of love that live in his heart. The most important step is that the person realizes that the discomfort is not due to who he is, but circumstances that led to the person’s birth.
Remember: it’s never too late to have a clear conversation with your parents.
Image from Creations.
