The Effect Of Collaborative Games In Relationships

When it comes to relationships, you usually say that you are drawn to someone who is the same. It describes how you often unconsciously choose which people you want around you. This is usually based on the emotional relationship between a person and his parents, especially during childhood. Dysfunctional relationships between parents and children can therefore damage new relationships in the future and lead to what psychology calls collaborative games in relationships.

The concept of collaborative play appears in the studies conducted by the Austrian psychologist Paul Watzlawick, who applied this in his theory of human communication. Psychotherapist Henry V. Dicks introduced the concept a posteriori in his work Tensions in Marriage.

However, it was the Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist Jurg Willi who made the term increasingly related to involuntary and dysfunctional behaviors.

These types of behaviors manifest themselves in marital conflicts. This toxic and unconscious dynamic brings the two parties together.

According to Willi, the collaborative behavior shapes the “conscious subconscious” within a relationship. The conflicts are repeated over and over again.

The two parties in a relationship are not able to be apart, but they are also not able to be close to each other. This makes them feel suffocated when they are together at the same time as they have separation anxiety when they are apart.

The parties in a relationship therefore go from being individuals to becoming a hermetic unit where their individual bonds overlap and establish toxic behaviors. It can therefore not be seen as an individual pathology. Instead, there is a pathology within the relationship.

Collaborative polarity within a relationship

Within the cooperating dual dynamics, each party in a relationship plays a polarized role. In other words, each person recreates a function of the division of the active-passive, the subject-dominant and the dependent-independent behavior. What is an asset to one person leads to inactivity in the other.

In other words, the weak party tends to have a regressive and immature attitude and the most active party instead represents a progressive role or a false maturity. The couple therefore cooperate in a kind of defensive cycle.

Collaborative play in a relationship usually comes from repressed emotional wounds from childhood. Both parties need the other to alleviate the frustration of childhood.

Both people expect the other person to save them from their own internal conflicts, and to free them from their previous fears, as well as heal the existing wounds that have arisen due to bad relationships with the parents.

When they try to solve each other’s emotional wounds, they end up in the same ineffective pattern over and over again. All to solve their problems in marriage, as well as their individual problems. However, this leads to pain and disappointment and blaming each other.

There are depressing phrases like “I’m in this way because of you”. The paradox of this situation is that neither party really wants to change anything about themselves. Instead, they emphasize that any given situation is serious.

Collaborative games in relationships – the end

Collaborative games in relationships are traps that maintain toxic guilt mechanisms and insecurity. In fact, a couple almost never finds an outlet.

In a marital crisis, you can either stay in a toxic relationship in a collaborative way. Or you can choose not to participate anymore, and get divorced.

There is also the opportunity to see a therapist. This person should be able to guide the parties in the relationship to a solution based on what they have experienced.

However, you can only build a love if you abandon expectations and begin to see each other as equals.

Setting expectations that are impossible to live up to and not taking responsibility for injuries can lead to frustrations. They can cause the couple to get caught up in a chaos that can ruin their self-esteem.

One must be aware that the relationship is a classroom for love where one can learn to fall and then get up again. In addition, you must also learn to develop all that human potential that you have within you, but at the same time you must always show respect for the other person.

It is a common belief that a successful couple is a couple that stays together forever. But the secret behind a successful relationship may rather be the opposite. A relationship should only last as long as it is healthy.