I Have No Regrets, But I Know What I Would Not Do If

We are all fallible, fragile and flawed, yet unique in our essence and our personal stories. Therefore , it is good and necessary to accept every mistake without falling into an endless circle of remorse. I have no regrets, but I am aware of what I would not do again.

We need to learn which paths we should not walk again and which people we need to distance ourselves from in the future. Woody Allen said in one of his films that “the only thing I regret in life is that I am not someone else.”

This ironic phrase sums up this fact well: our mistakes hurt and experiencing them often feels like such a major attack on our dignity that we feel like pressing the “restart” button.

But humans are not machines. In fact, it is where our greatness lies, in the magic written in our DNA that urges us to learn from our mistakes. It improved us as a species and that’s how we survived in this complex world.

To live is, after all, to move forward, but also to change and know how to handle every bad decision and bad action.

Debt and reparation come in many forms and sizes. A relationship with the wrong person, a bad decision in working life, a mistake, a broken promise, a wrong word or a bad deed… they often lead to us having to see ourselves in the mirror, without filters, without anesthesia. It’s like an open wound.

That is when we become aware of the cracks in our alleged maturity, the ones we must repair after gathering the broken pieces of our dignity.

However, an interesting study published in the journal “Cognitive Psychology” released data that may make us think. Younger people often complain about all the mistakes they have made during their lives.

Sometimes all that is required is an interview with people between 20 and 45 in order for them to explain in detail all the mistakes they regret that they let into their lives. It is actually an evaluation and self-analysis that can be very healthy and cleansing. It helps us make better decisions and get back on track.

But the real problem arises in the elderly. When you reach the age of 70, you can start to doubt things you did not do… missed opportunities, decisions you did not make due to lack of courage.

Something we should therefore be very clear about is that the worst regret is one over a life you have not lived.  Let us look at our so-called mistakes, such as without serious consequences, as our baggage of experience. Our heritage where cracks let through the light of wisdom.

Mistakes above all indicate that one takes responsibility. We all know people who are not capable of taking this valuable, dignified step. What we call “primary repair” in psychology must then take place.

That is, to actually do something as basic as leave a stormy relationship, end a failed project, or even ask those we have hurt for forgiveness.

Next, we need to move on to something much more fragile, intimate and complex. It’s time for “secondary repair”. There we sew together with precise craftsmanship every fragment of our self-esteem, every fiber that has been torn from our self-image.

There is no reason to harbor resentment or emphasize disappointment because you will then close the door to your heart as well as the window to new opportunities.

However, an article published in the journal “Personality and Social Psychology” reminds us of a situation that is probably familiar to many of us. Sometimes we punish ourselves with constant “but how could I be so naive? So old and still making these mistakes? ”.

The belief that age and experience make us immune to mistakes is a myth. Let us push these ideas aside and accept the following: to be alive is to embrace change and challenges. It is allowing us to meet new people and do new things every day.

I have no regrets, to make mistakes is part of the process and part of growth. To refuse to experiment and anchor ourselves ad eternum at the island of reparation, fear and “it is better to remain as I am”, is to breathe and exist, but not LIVE.