Emotionally Inaccessible People: Experts On Avoiding Intimacy

Emotional ignorance is a major obstacle in relationships. The inability to relate emotions can stand in the way of creating strong, healthy and lasting relationships. The difficulty with this is actually a major challenge for emotionally inaccessible people.

Some build walls around their hearts to avoid feeling vulnerable while others flee when intimacy comes to the fore.

These people may suffer from emotional immaturity,  and even love can become a threat to them. This does not mean that they do not start relationships, but they do tend to leave them or shut themselves in when emotions begin to develop. It is as if they always have a shell on their back that can act as a refuge when they need it. Especially when a situation requires emotional intimacy.

Emotionally inaccessible people are good at creating distance,  building walls and shielding themselves to avoid intimate ties with others. Most often it is done subconsciously. That’s why it’s so complicated to get out of this emotional rejection.

Emotionally inaccessible people seem to be like everyone else. They have their tastes, their passions, their jobs, their personal history, their shortcomings and of course their virtues. But they lack the ability to identify and manage emotions. They have probably never asked themselves how they feel or listen to their own unhappiness.

They are people with an aura of emotional coldness who must flee in the face of the slightest hint of suffering. They are experts in escaping discomfort  and have a doctorate in self-deception. The same thing happens when the emotions that flow around them are too positive. Maybe they enjoy it more, but it also causes them even greater fear, especially if it is related to others.

By putting a great emotional distance in their relationships  , they can often seem to be very cold people, with little interest in what is happening around them. In fact, it is difficult for them to establish intimacy to avoid feeling vulnerable. In this way  , emotional coldness is their defense mechanism, the  way they previously learned to protect themselves from pain.

Dealing with these people can be frustrating and complicated,  especially in romantic relationships, as emotional intimacy will be nearly impossible. When confronted with pain, sadness or disappointment, they may also feel upset, overwhelmed or have a strong desire to escape.

As we have discussed  , emotional inaccessibility tends to manifest itself subconsciously. However, these people use a lot of their psychological energy to avoid confrontations with their emotions. Because of this, they will only be able to start doing something about it when they become aware of what is happening.

The problem is that their defense mechanisms are so automated that they can fight hard not to become aware of their vulnerability.

Is it therefore possible to shed light on this strong, emotional blockade? The answer is yes,  but it is not easy. It all depends on one’s own understanding of how difficult it is and the level of change that must be implemented.

Therefore, the first step is awareness. When you become aware of yourself and allow yourself to experience all that the emotional world has to offer, you can move forward. In this way, pain and fear, both from you and from others, can manifest itself with honesty. But it requires effort.

Once the first interaction on an emotional level is established and they have learned to identify emotions, the next step is to exercise the ability to  choose how to react to different situations,  to abandon automation. This is one of the most powerful tools for emotionally inaccessible people.

On the other hand, it is also important to mention that  people with emotional inaccessibility must also take care of themselves  and exercise understanding if they want to stay by your side. They themselves must work to act in this way, and above all to understand the reasons that make them stay. This according to Gabriella Kortsch, PhD in psychology.

Another important aspect is to understand that in this type of situation it is not a matter of blaming the partner,  because he or she may have unresolved conflicts that need to be addressed,  which the other partner touches to the surface.

Sometimes a separation can be the solution to the problem,  because we can not force the other person to change  and become someone he is not. If you are reluctant to be in a relationship, it must end. This is to avoid being in relationships that become increasingly untenable.