Dear Me, I’m Sorry I Hurt You

My dear, I’m sorry I hurt you. Since you are now standing there in the mirror and I am brave enough to look at you, I want you to listen to me. There are many things I would like to say to you.

I have to apologize for many things, and I can not continue to live as if nothing has happened. It’s not fair.

I’ve tried this conversation with you several times, but I was simply not ready. Fear, disappointment and suffering have stopped me from responding to what I have done to you over the years.

Fear gripped my throat and prevented me from saying anything. I just pretended everything was okay, and I even believed it.

Sometimes we think we are ready, we think we are strong enough and that we can handle everything, but we are fooling ourselves. That was the problem: I was not aware of it.

I can look at you and recognize you in the mirror. I will not run away from you or my problems. You are no longer invisible to me. I see you, I see myself and I see us. I have accepted us.

This rediscovery has made me happy, but I still feel that something is missing, something that prevents me from enjoying you. What is an insight without an excuse? I want our ties to be strong, so I’m writing you this letter.

Forgive my misunderstandings

My dear, I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry I forgot you, because I pushed you down and pretended you were something else. I know I hurt you.

It has caused me great harm when I was joked about you. Being rejected is one of the deepest wounds we can experience. I have denied you and I have denied myself.

Denying ourselves is the worst act we can commit against ourselves. It’s like being invisible, and it hurts!

I can not believe how much I hated us! You did everything wrong. I remember that I made you doubt yourself, that I made you feel guilty and helpless.

I did not care if it was about your appearance, your personality or something you did. And I could hardly see that with you. Then I thought you had nothing to offer, nothing of value.

I pushed you over the edge

My dear, I’m sorry I pushed you over the edge, because I treated you badly and because I criticized everything you did. I know I did not treat you right.

I know I was cold to you and I’m really sorry. Instead of hugging you, I pulled away and it made you feel bad.

I ignored you for many days, even when you needed my help. Sorry for shutting myself in until I could no longer stand it, until my heart exploded and I could not remember how to feel happy.

I went under.

Although I do not want this to affect anyone else, it is thanks to this that I discovered that you were still there. You were waiting for me. Once again, I want to apologize for all the pain.

Please listen to me because I have hurt you

I want us to be different in the future. I want to protect you. That’s why I want to be there for you and you for me. Let’s become one instead of a false hero and his executioner. Let’s become partners.

My promise is that I will listen to you, even when it hurts. You have important things to say to me, I understand that now. I will help you be louder.

I want to get to know you, rediscover you, get to know everything about you, what you are good at and what you want to do, everything.

One promise I can not make is that I will not hurt you again; it is impossible. We all make mistakes, but I will not do anything wrong on purpose. We will feel happy that we are who we are.

Because after disguising myself so much, I have finally understood that I am not someone without you. I have tasted the betrayal and it is one of the worst experiences I have ever had.

I respect you. Whenever you feel down, I’ll be there. I will walk in your shoes, I will try to understand you. Instead of making you feel guilty, I will find out why.

Because that’s just how I’ll understand what’s going on.

Let’s agree on one thing

I will embrace your fears and your wounds. Everything I have been through has taught me that one cannot go on without listening to the other. Being angry and hateful will only distance us.

It will make me feel helpless and useless, sad and hurt. There’s nothing I want to do to any of us.

Life is hard and there will always be mistakes ahead of us. I know I’ve hurt you and disappointed you, but let’s try again.

Let’s build bridges for prosperity and acceptance. I want us to be one, to let this bond grow and fill us with peace and love. I want to hold your hand and never let go.

What do you think? Do we have an agreement, even though I hurt you?