If I Have To Ask You Something, I Really Want You To Answer

If I have to ask you something, I know you do not know what I’m thinking at a certain time, so I appreciate that I can do it. This idea is founded as a counterpoint to the misconception about love, “If I have to ask you, I do not want it”, which is unfortunately very widespread.

With “If I Have to Ask You, I Really Want It,” we acknowledge that being a partner does not give us the supernatural powers to know all expectations and desires, so that we can act in accordance with them. For example, you expect your partner to wish you a good night every night. But the person does not have that need or does not attach importance to that habit, so he does not act in accordance with them.

This is the point when you get angry because you are producing a conflict in the relationship. Wouldn’t it be easier to express to your partner that you want a specific routine instead of waiting for the person to realize it and get angry if he or she does not.

The power of expectations

All people start a love relationship with an idea of ​​what this type of relationship means. In this relationship, there are expectations. In fact, they are often based on past experiences and on the relationship models we have learned in the family system. In addition , literature and movies affect our view of love.

Having certain expectations can be adaptable and is part of the relationship. Risks with expectations, however, arise when you think they are part of the other’s obligations. Therefore, it is important to be aware of the subjective part of these types of projections, as well as the need to communicate them.

On the other hand, there are some myths about relationships that, along with expectations, are an explosive formula for creating conflicts in them. Below we explain what these myths consist of.

What is a myth?

A myth is a divided and false notion that is not true. This view is often based on a biased argument that ignores part of reality. This assumption about the myth as a real fact causes the individual (and also the collective) to make a number of mistakes.

Each person has their own idea of ​​love, based on personal, family and cultural experiences. In this situation, there may be ideas like “Love excuses this and that” and “Jealousy is a proof of love”. This type of perception of love is biased because it shows a love that is destined to go out.

Types of myths related to “if I have to ask you”

• Love can do anything. Respect and trust are a standard of love, so conflicts cannot exist. If they exist, they disappear on their own. It is not necessary to talk and resolve conflicts thanks to existing love.

• Your partner should meet all your needs, including the shortcomings you have. You are usually not aware of the needs based on your childhood that you are burdening your partner with. Most likely, if you are suffering from a deficiency, you hope to be able to compensate for it with the help of your partner. As a result, you will be making unhealthy demands on him or her.
• A certain level of jealousy is a proof of love. This proves that your partner loves you, which is a completely wrong idea because jealousy shows this, but also that the person is insecure.
• The better half. To think that there is one perfect partner for you, that you are like two peas in a ski. This concept leads you to cling to a band, thinking that you will never find someone as perfect if the relationship ends.
• When you are in love, it is impossible to feel attraction to another person. It is very common to experience some form of belonging and attraction to other people during our lives without this meaning that you no longer love your partner.

How do I overcome my partner’s high expectations?

• If I have to ask you because I want something. Communicate to your partner what your priorities are. We are all different, and what is important to you may not be as important to the other person. Your partner does not have to take what you expect for granted. Therefore, communication is important for both people to be able to express where their boundaries for the relationship are and what they expect from it. If I have to ask you, I understand that you can not read my mind.

• Determine where your own boundaries are. The aspects that are not negotiable for you. Be clear and think about the boundaries that are important to you. What aspect do you not tolerate under any circumstances with a partner?

Evaluate your thinking in relation to the question “if I have to ask you”

• What part of the conflict comes from the relationship and what part comes from an unfulfilled personal expectation? Blaming your partner for not fulfilling what you want when it is possible that the partner has no idea what it is you want. Identify if the conflict is based on expectations or if it really is a problem in the relationship.
• Identify your own shortcomings that you may be pasting on your partner. Express your needs and avoid placing the responsibility on your partner to find out.
• Flexibility. Remember that your partner will not fit in any form. Looking for a relationship where the other has to fulfill everything you want is a mistake. It is advisable to have certain expectations as long as they are not extreme and invade the relationship.

• Respect. Be willing to be forgiving of your differences. Accept the person he or she is, without constantly trying to change him or her.

In short, it is fundamental in healthy relationships to start from the idea “If I have to ask you, I will appreciate that you take into account my needs, and if you can not, I will understand that you are different and you need not do everything I want ”.