Calimeros Syndrome And Complaining As A Way Of Life

We know all the people who seem to spend their whole lives complaining. Nothing seems to go right for them, and everything bothers them. Surely you are already thinking of someone with Calimero Syndrome and their complainant when you read these lines. Psychoanalyst Saverio Tomasella talks about this in his book The Calimero Syndrome .

In it, he refers to the unlucky (but charming) chicken in the Italian-Japanese animated series. If you look at the picture above, you will see who we mean! Although he makes some comic references in how he explains this syndrome, the content is actually quite serious.

For the author, the background to all these complaints can be found within a particular context. Specifically people with a very sensitive socio-economic situation and connection to a very difficult life story. This is the trigger for the complaint. In fact, he claims that behind this there is often real suffering, an emotional problem that has been repeatedly neglected.

Although this is often the cause, many people can be particularly annoying to their loved ones. Their tendency to see everything in black shows an unsurpassed pessimism.

But there are also other people whose complaints come from a constant need for attention that can be quite difficult to deal with.

What does Calimeros Syndrome and Complaining Really Mean?

Calimeros syndrome is a contemporary phenomenon in a society that is about to implode. According to Tomasella, “the injustice is becoming clearer. There is a parallel with the world that preceded the French Revolution of 1789. ”

Some are granted privileges, and others are abused. As a result of these aspects that seem to be embedded in our social structure, many people feel an incredible injustice and have a real need to complain.

Complaining that hides something worse

Most often, those who spend a lot of time complaining have experienced real injustices and are afraid of falling victim again. For example, some “calimers” may have suffered deep shame, humiliation, rejection or abandonment.

Serious family trauma (inheritance disputes, ruin, exile or financially motivated migration) can also mark a person for life. They almost become a spokesman for their family and will complain significantly on their behalf, or sometimes even against them. Thus, they cover complaints that often express much deeper issues than first thought.

But instead of talking about these sensitive personal situations, their complainant often focuses on superficial issues such as train delays or cold coffee. In this way, their hidden pain or shame is related to something simple that they can express freely and publicly without social or emotional consequences.

Yet, over and over again, these complaints often put other people’s patience to the test.

When complaining becomes a way of life

It is quite possible to leave a well-motivated complaint – a positive one that really hits the mark. It can be a way to change a situation when there are problems at work, in a relationship or in the family. However, many people repeatedly feel sorry for themselves and their lot in life.

Calimero syndrome strikes when someone’s complaint turns into a monologue and a general way of relating to others.

In most of these people, there is a need to be heard so that others can pay attention to their suffering. In others, there is a form of laziness that consists of making the situation worse and worse just to be able to continue complaining. And finally, there is a minority who are just trying to get other people’s attention.

Do not mock their complainant

A child, a teenager or even an adult who feels that no one has listened to them when they have suffered injustice will probably start on the road to Calimero syndrome – and thus repeat their complaints over and over again.

But when people mock their pain and complain, they feel as if a new injustice has occurred.

If you mock a person who expresses suffering, you risk strengthening their tendency to complain.

Complaining through exhaustion and crying for help

Some people constantly complain about being “the center of the party”, and they show a very theatrical way of life. It’s a way to control situations and other people. We can also call these people “calimers”, but in reality, unlike in the cartoon character, their shells have not hatched. We need to use our reason to discover when this is the case.

But there is usually something really broken or ruined in many of the people who complain a lot. Beyond this, they do not know how to get out of everything or how to rebuild their lives. For that reason, we must try to be patient with them. Although they may tire us out with their complainants, this is not an attempt to harm or irritate us.

This attitude is often due to the pain that children experience when they do not receive attention from the family. Basically, these people do not say “take care of me” but rather “listen to me”. Trapped in their complaints, they must be heard and shown how much they suffer.

Calimeros Syndrome and Complaining: There is a solution to these cries for help

We must treat these people with empathy because many have experienced real and objective injustice. Therefore, if they feel respected and listened to, they can possibly move forward.

People who do not want to explore their past and immerse themselves in their family situation can start by meditating or performing regular physical activity. This helps to reduce tension. In this way, they can also prepare for therapy.

It is possible to turn complaining into emotional expression. It is also possible to change the causes of these complaints that prevent them from moving on in life. A person who wants to help these people listens to the story behind the complaint, delves into it and tries to help provide an outlet for it.