What Role Do Power Struggles Play In Relationships?

A classic, well-known saying goes: “After the storm comes calm.” But what happens when the storm represents the intoxication that the beginning of a relationship normally brings? Well, that means that peace is the end of the story, and that the love hormones give way to conflicts and power struggles in relationships of this kind.

However, that does not have to be the case. Costa Rican psychologist Marianela Esquivel actually claims that conflicts can be good in relationships. As long as both parties are aware of the conflict, know what triggers it and do not let it have an uncontrolled snowball effect.

It is inevitable that the honeymoon period will come to an end. When this happens, we stop completely indulging in the relationship and instead try to achieve a balance. We are looking for a balance where we sometimes prioritize ourselves.

The goal is to find stability and security that allows us to regain our independence (or at least part of it). This is an important period and the outcome will be decisive for our future relationship.

All couples are at some point involved in power struggles. But the outcome of these depends largely on the maturity of the couple. Another factor is how much the individual parties are willing to invest in the relationship during the most intense phase of the honeymoon. But if both parties use the right emotional tools, this emotional “war” does not have to be so stressful.

However, it is usually the case that a confluence of inner forces takes place at different levels. An inherent need that both parties in the relationship have is self-affirmation. A certain self-preoccupation becomes apparent. Failure to be prepared for or aware of this can lead to mutual accusations. 

It is important to be able to recognize the dynamics, no matter how it takes place. In this way, you avoid holding the other party responsible for all problems that arise in the relationship. In this way, the power struggle can be curbed somewhat, so that the foundation of the relationship is not disturbed.

The fact that you can identify a power struggle does not mean that you know how to solve it. But that is the first step. So take a closer look at your relationship and see if you recognize any of the following signs:

• Pay attention to whether you both always want to be right. Note if you cling to your idea so at all costs that you stop listening and refuse to see the situation from a different perspective.
• Be careful not to just focus on your own interests and override your partner’s interests. Remember that you are forming a team.

• People are not perfect, so no one can avoid sometimes being right and sometimes making mistakes. Do not attach too much importance to your partner or your own shortcomings.
• Consequently, there are no perfect pairs. In other words, your partner was not a wonderful person who suddenly turned into a monster. Do not let the existing disagreement make you idealize the past or blacken the present.

Can an intense power struggle be reversed?

The answer is definitely yes. In general , power struggles depend on feelings of insecurity and inferiority. But feeling underestimated does not mean that you need to overcompensate by acting superior. Here are some interesting exercises that can help in such situations.

• Try to encourage friendship with your partner. Your love partner is not only the one you love, but he is also your teammate, your companion and your buddy. So instead of being offended, try to be nice, tactful and polite. Imagine talking to a friend and not to a rival or enemy.
• Forget trying to win. Your relationship is not a contest. Look for things that you have in common, not things that differ from you.
• Fight for the relationship and not so much for yourself. When you nurture your love partner, you actually nurture yourself as well.
• Physical contact is essential. It is an intimate communication. It is also the source of boundless pleasure if you just use a little imagination.
• Ask others for their opinions. Strive to achieve happiness with your partner by trying to establish close relationships. Do not be afraid to be rejected.

If we put these exercises into practice, we will not be hurt by power struggles in our relationships. It will also show that power struggles in relationships can actually be something positive. The result is that both parties feel appreciated and safe.