Personal Downgrading: To Feel Worthless

That you value yourself and have good self-esteem means that you are aware of your own resources and your own potential. In addition, it means that you know your shortcomings and weaknesses. However, most of us are not very good at assessing our own self-worth. And maybe you belong to the people who go completely wrong in their attempts to achieve good self-esteem. In fact, it is usually difficult for people with low self-esteem to get better self-esteem. The consequence may be that over time they begin to devalue themselves. This is what is called personal depreciation.

Personal downgrading: stubbornness and resistance to change

Many people strive to gain recognition from those around them by helping or pleasing others. But if you always prioritize others, you yourself can end up completely in the shadows. Yes, you probably do not think about yourself at all. Maybe you even feel that your only goal in life is to be second to others and that this is what gives your life meaning.

At least that’s probably what you’re telling yourself, to avoid feeling like a doormat or something you scrub the floor with. But this strategy does not work. Because deep down, you still feel like a doormat. If you feel this way, it can become a persistent and recurring problem. In addition, it will lead you to begin to experience resistance to change.

When, for example, a gesture, an action, a label, a style or a problem is systematized over a period of time, it is something you may find difficult to change. This will make you less creative. Therefore, if you have become accustomed to devaluing yourself, you may come to the realization that you have only a small number of solutions at your disposal. As a result, you have a tendency to continue on the same path as before, instead of trying to find new solutions.

The tendency to stick to solutions that do not work

Although it may seem strange and difficult to understand, there are people who always use the same methods as they have done in the past to solve their problems, even though these have not led to any positive results. In other words, it is as if they were constantly taking the same medication in higher doses to cure their diseases, even though this has not been successful before.

People seem to have the peculiarity of repeating the same methods over and over again, even if these do not have the desired effect. In addition, they do not even seem to question or try to modify the methods to get a different outcome.

When you constantly use the same methods, you usually achieve the same results, and many of these lead to failures. The result is usually an increased personal depreciation, a reduced self-esteem and all that this entails.

There are many examples of failed solutions. When people who are afraid of getting stuck in elevators and trapped in other enclosed spaces have to confront them, they may say to themselves, “It will not happen, it will not happen.” But by doing this, they are in fact initiating the course of events that they want to counteract.

In the same way, it is for a person with anorexia who is told by his family members to eat more; it just makes her more averse to food. And a man with depression, who feels sad, anxious and listless, and who does not even feel like getting out of bed, may hear his wife say “ Look how beautiful it is today. Get up! Let’s take a walk! ” But the only consequence is that he feels useless. Everyone tells him what to do and he does not find the slightest joy in any of this.

When you seek appreciation in your environment

If you find refuge in devaluing yourself, you will not get any recognition, but only achieve results that are contrary to what you really want. So instead of being appreciated by those around you, which is what you deep down want to be, this will actually confirm your personal downfall.

This is what happens to generous people who are always quick to offer help to others and who are therefore exploited and ill-treated. The same goes for undervalued people who always put others first and as a result feel frustrated because they have never been able to satisfy any of their own desires in life.

This type of rescuer struggles to find security in their relationships, because they have a tendency to love unconditionally. And people who devalue themselves will always prioritize their partners. Furthermore, they will not give the partner the opportunity to experience any needs or desires. The explanation is that before their partner has even had the opportunity to feel any need or desire, they have already filled this.

In fact, this is a form of slavery. For the person in question never gets the chance to feel any need to spend time with their rescuing partner. It is hardly surprising that the devalued person eventually becomes virtually invisible. For him is always there, ready to meet all the partner’s needs and desires, before the partner even realizes that such a need or desire exists.

Therefore, unconditional love is something that leads to invisibility, when in fact it is the opposite effect one strives for. In fact, unconditional love confirms the low self-esteem of the devalued person.

Personal downgrading: other examples

Another type of action that is often doomed to fail is noticed among young people who prove to be excellent students. Such young people who strive to achieve perfection by obtaining top marks hide their need for love, appreciation and approval. Therefore, they do not raise expectations, because their family and friends know that they will always do well. As a result, they end up in the shadows, as everyone automatically assumes that they will receive good grades. They get no attention, no matter how outstanding their performance is. This is exactly the opposite of what they really want.

Then there are people who put themselves in weak or pitiful positions. By doing this, they sincerely hope that others will praise them for their perseverance and strength. But paradoxically, people usually just feel disgust for them. The reason is that they get tired of their constant complaining and their ” poor me ” attitude. In fact, it is usually the case that after a while they try to avoid these people altogether.

In some cases, individuals who devalue themselves may show some understanding of their own skills. In such situations, they actually acknowledge that they have many different resources and they claim to value themselves. But when it’s time to turn over these resources, this type of individual tends to hesitate, lose faith in himself and feel small and insignificant. This is something you even see in the individual’s posture, as he or she usually has crouched shoulders.

What lies behind personal devaluation: insecurity, fear and guilt

Another consequence of personal devaluation is uncertainty. People with low self-esteem do not know how to handle different situations. Therefore, it can be said that personal downgrading and uncertainty go hand in hand. One follows the other.

An insecure person feels insecure because they do not think they have the opportunity or the necessary resources to support their action. But there is a third factor that reinforces the two mentioned, and that is fear.

Fear is due to low self-esteem. The person concerned is filled with negative thoughts that make him paralyzed and ashamed of having to deal with different situations. In addition, he experiences feelings and thoughts that are linked to helplessness.

Finally, there is a fourth type of emotion that afflicts people who devalue themselves, namely feelings of guilt. This is a persistent feeling that accompanies all forms of personal devaluation. “I should have done it. That I did not do it is because I am so stupid. ” “If I had completed my studies, I would have had a better job now.” These are the kinds of thoughts they engage in. And sometimes they torment themselves with even worse ruminations.

Believe in yourself

If you do not value yourself and believe in your own abilities, you will feel unable to accomplish anything at all, because you are unsure whether other people perceive you as sufficiently rational and principled. That is when doubt arises. You start asking yourself a lot of questions, which makes you even more anxious and hesitant. Here it is important that you try to design a plan or build strategies or methods to meet your goals. In this way, you can anticipate what situations may arise and thus feel more secure.

If you belittle yourself, each situation can appear to be a test of your imagination. Maybe you realize that it is not worth it. You become worried that you will fail and not get any recognition. These thoughts scare you. You are afraid that others will devalue you and discover who you really are. You are afraid that your shortcomings and your incompetence will become obvious to everyone. Fear makes you dull and prevents your talent from appearing.

Is a healthy self-esteem achievable?

Poor self-esteem is something that destroys and disrupts your plans. It prevents you from being creative, creates uncertainty and makes you anxious and worried. It complicates your relationships. Yes, it is so harmful that it gradually undermines, permeates and crushes you and has a devastating effect on your personality.

True self-esteem, on the other hand, is something that arises spontaneously against the background of different experiences. It’s an inside feeling. And it is not dependent on external recognition. It is a recognition of yourself.

Feeling valued is a state of mind that means you can focus on the positive in all situations, in all people and in life in general. Furthermore, one realizes that one cannot be everything to everyone in all situations. In fact, it is quite presumptuous to believe that one can be all human beings at ease.

Take care of yourself, give yourself the chance to grow and do not fall into the trap of devaluing yourself.