How Man Allows Himself To Be Insulted

Psychology always intends to give the patient the opportunity to take control of his life and not let emotions or external situations control everything – for example, not to be offended. The idea is to encourage unconditional acceptance: of oneself, others and life in general. In this way, everything that happens affects us a certain amount, neither more nor less.

It’s not about adapting, as it may sound. To be adaptable is to anchor ourselves in our comfort zone. In what we can control. But that does not teach us about acceptance. We are still afraid to unfold our wings and discover the magic that life can give.

We do not want to be adaptable. We like passionate people who jump into life with their heads first. People with goals, desires and dreams to fulfill. They can regulate their emotions and control their way of interpreting and perceiving the world. They can accept defeat, failure and criticism as a normal part of life instead of being insulted by them.

How many times have we become angry that someone has said something mean to us or treated us unfairly? How many times have we blamed others for our feelings? We have all made these mistakes. When we feel emotionally insecure, it feels like we are being insulted.

No one likes to pay attention to their mistakes or be reminded of their mistakes. Nobody likes criticism, in general. People prefer to be flattered instead of insulted because it makes us feel accepted. Confirmation gives us a lot of joy. It actually stimulates the reward center of the brain, so much so that we may even become dependent on confirmation. Criticism and rejection make us insulted and feel anxious, depressed or angry.

Of course, we do not want to have to feel these feelings. We would rather avoid them, at all costs. The problem is that the way we choose to avoid them is usually not the best.

When we hear a negative comment about ourselves, we tend to become defensive. We try to give explanations or turn criticism towards the other person.

Why are we doing this? Because we are offended, not by what they said, but because we believe that what the person has said is true. We can deny their criticism, but deep down we confirm it.

Let’s say we take in others’ criticisms. We believe in it. We make it our own and integrate it into our way of looking at the world, as truths, so that they change the way we think. That decision means that we allow ourselves to be puppets, controlled by the opinions of others.

Therefore, it is not others who insult us. We insult ourselves. Those around have the right to express their opinions, we ourselves are responsible for how we receive these opinions.

Surely it is interesting that the same does not happen with compliments? We do not usually receive compliments in the same way as we do with criticism. But if someone says something negative to us, we immediately take it in.

The invitation technique is used in therapy to explain everything above to the patient. The Buddha said, “If someone offers you a gift and you refuse to receive it, who does it belong to?” Of course, it is still the person who wants to give us the gift who then owns it. And the same thing happens with criticism.

Insults, criticism and toxic comments are like gifts: if you accept them, you accept them; if you do not receive them, the one who insults you will keep what he said.

If there are people who choose to waste their energy on us by being negative, it is their problem. We do not have to accept that we are insulted. It is useless to try to change the opinions of others. It will probably be a waste of energy.

With the invitation technique , the therapist encourages his patient to feel a certain way. For example, they may use this technique with a failure, a toxic person, or a negative interaction. Psychologists use this technique with patients who seek help because of this type of complaint or when others have made them unhappy.

• The therapist gives you a card, an invitation, with the following sentence written: I [your mother, boyfriend, co-worker, etc] invite you to feel [useless, ugly, fat, etc]. Do you accept the invitation? ”

• The next part of the technique is when the patient writes that he does not accept this feeling because he does not think it defines him, but that he understands the other person’s point of view.
• In this way, the patient learns to accept himself unconditionally while accepting the opinions of others and not trying to change them. The most important thing to learn is not to be offended by taking in everything that is said to one.

This acceptance frees us from the burden of trying to please everyone, something we can really never do. The invitation technique must be practiced mentally as many times as needed, every time we encounter negative criticism. Over time, we feel less and less offended, and even learn to use criticism to our advantage.