My Wounds From Your Abandonment

One of my earliest childhood memories is the picture of you when you disappear out the door and never come back. The sound of the door slamming shut still makes me shake and has marked me for life. You do not know how deep my wounds are from your abandonment, Dad.

When your dad leaves you and never comes back, when no one tells you what’s going on because they think you’re too small or trying to protect you, it hurts the most. This is because you are the one who paints reality with the only reasons you can find by reading between the lines.

These reasons are the ones that can hurt the most. They are the ones who can damage your future ties to other men and with your partner, because the debt that remains is only yours. You’ve been a bad girl who does not deserve her father. You do not understand relationship problems, but you do understand punishment. Losing your dad is a punishment.

The absent father, who left you of his own free will, will create emotional voids that you will try to fill with guilt. After all, you feel that if you had behaved, you would have deserved a father by your side.

You have lost your courage because you were a bad daughter. That’s why he left you. There is no other reason, and no one has given you the chance to believe otherwise. You are a child, and as such, the self-centeredness of a child’s development leads you to believe that everything is under your control. Everything has a reason and everything is connected to you.

Abandonment brings with it an emotional void that goes beyond physical absence. Physical absence can, after all, be covered up by the efforts of a single mother or another relative or father figure. But emotional absence is an irreplaceable void that cannot be covered because there is only one parent.

When you are a child, you think that the bad things that afflict the characters in fairy tales are nothing more than the result of their own mistakes. That’s the moral of the matter. Therefore, guilt is the feeling that best explains how you feel about your father’s abandonment. This is why you feel bad, because you know no other way to understand the emotional void.

Emotional absence is a void that notices you and is impossible to hide. It is a vacuum and a fear that it will hit you again in the future. This void makes you believe that all men are like the one who would have taken care of you, but left you.

This emotional vacuum of abandonment also makes you question your own worth. Your self-esteem has been damaged, and it feels difficult to love yourself. After experiencing abandonment at such an early age, after all, your value is cemented by the others who want to be by your side.

And that is the reason for your emotional dependence. Your relationships are characterized by fear and loneliness, which in turn makes you distant. You become emotionally unreachable as you try to protect yourself, and your relationships follow a pattern:

• First , you are cold and distant to avoid being vulnerable to others. If they do not know you, they can not hurt you.

• If they manage to get close to you, start distancing yourself from them. This is not necessarily conscious, but a way to protect yourself. If there is no emotional bond, no one can be hurt.
• This reinforces your fears. It is, after all, a self-fulfilling prophecy: that they will abandon you. This is when you feel most alone. You believe that the world is a threatening place and that you can not avoid being abandoned.
• This causes your self-esteem to drop even lower. You feel that the reason everyone is abandoning you is because you do not deserve them. It’s the same thing that happened to your dad. You do not deserve anyone’s affection.

Overcoming abandonment is a step that will always lead to emotional maturity. It involves rebuilding yourself, raising your self-esteem and your way of relating to others. Overcoming abandonment begins with loving and accepting yourself.

It suggests accepting the pain of absence and understanding that some couples’ relationships are broken without any specific culprit because love fades and sometimes hurts.

This is why it is so difficult to give love to someone who has been abandoned.

It often involves learning new methods of social and emotional interaction by acquiring social skills that allow you to be available without being addicted or pushing away those who can help you.