The Importance Of Stopping Saying Yes When You Want To Say No

You’ve probably forced yourself to say yes when you really want to say no, and you would like to stop doing that. What’s with you? Why do you even do that? Could it be that you can not express what you really want? Continue reading this article to discover that most of the reasons for this type of behavior are related to self-assertion.

Andre Salter (1940) defined the concept of “self-assertion” as a personality trait. Specifically, he said that it means “the expression of personal rights and feelings”. In other words, the term is about the ability to reject something you do not want to give or take.

The following conclusion can be drawn from Salter’s research: the circumstances affect the likelihood of self-assertion. That being said, there are some people who have a greater tendency to assert themselves. However, anyone can learn to assert themselves.

The word thus includes defending one’s rights and needs, as well as having the ability to sincerely express one’s wishes. The ability to be powerful yet polite. Simply put, it is the opportunity to stand up for one’s rights while being sensible.

Are you only clear on certain occasions or with certain people? What makes you a wobbler? In other words, what do you say yes to when you want to say no?

Stop saying yes when you want to say no

As you can understand, the solution to this question has a lot to do with self-confidence. But what prevents you from expressing what you really want in certain situations?

Lack of self-confidence

Some people find it easier to express their opinions and wishes freely, clearly and sincerely. They have no problem saying no when they feel like it. But other people simply do not have this ability, or have not developed it enough. Thus, they often say yes when they want to say no.

It can be said that this is the main reason for all the explanations below. There is always a reason behind the lack of self-assertion. It can hide fear, insecurity or lack of self-esteem.

The fear of the opinions of others

People tend to accept things they do not want when they care deeply about the opinions of others. Somehow they are afraid of being judged for being different and are not comfortable accepting criticism.

This is something you can change, especially by working on your self-esteem and improving your ability to be who you really want to be. Insecure people need to realize that what others say about them does not matter. This is because nothing you do will prevent someone else from judging you. Thus, you must realize that self-love is the only completely reliable love that you will ever have.

To say yes to belonging

Have you ever agreed to something you did not want to do? Maybe you did it because you wanted to belong to a certain group or just to get other people’s approval.

Wanting to be liked by others is natural to some extent. Humans are social beings who need love and acceptance. Thus, people do not just seek approval from others when they agree to do something they do not want to do; they also seek acceptance.

The psychologist Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) talked about this when he tried to define human needs through his pyramid of needs. Maslow talks about two links that concern the need for connection and recognition : Man achieves a sense of belonging through friendship and affection, among other things. In addition, we achieve self-assertion through the trust and recognition of our peers.

If we return to the previous point, then if you think about it rationally – people who truly love you accept you as you are. Also, you probably know that it’s practically impossible for everyone to like you (and that does not make you a bad person). Is it not enough to like yourself?

Stop saying yes just because you do not know how to say no

There are times when you mistakenly think that just because you can not justify a “no” means you should say yes. It does not work that way. Because in reality, there are times when you just do not feel like doing something, and that is a perfectly acceptable reason to decline.

Thus, people need to learn to trust the gut feeling and say no when they do not want to say yes.

Uncertainty and fear of disappointment

Another possible reason why you might say yes when you want to say no is related to all of the above. It is about a lack of self-worth. You are more likely to be vulnerable when you are not clear about what you want, or simply do not accept yourself as who you are. Those who do not know what they want will not even notice that they have found it.

For the same reason, you may feel guilty for saying no when you are unsure of who you are. You may worry that you have insulted someone. The fear of disappointing someone is one of the reasons why people often make the mistake of accepting things they do not really want.

A short reflection to stop saying yes when you want to say no

As you can see, there are several reasons why you can agree to something you do not really want. One thing that is obvious is that people are more likely to try to please others when they lack self-esteem or feel exposed to criticism.

In this regard, the key to getting to know yourself and finding your own way is to learn to be more self-affirming and open.

Self-awareness at the same time reduces your doubts. It is a process that will hopefully last a lifetime. Follow your own path and open your eyes to learn more, and you will gradually notice how you stop saying yes when you want to say no.