Personal Disasters: The Best Guides For Our Emotions

Sometimes I feel that I will fall, that I will collapse. And then I think… I’m stronger than all this, I’ve been through worse things in my past. My friends are going through even worse personal disasters and they are still optimistic… But reality says otherwise. We are projects that are guided by emotions. So sometimes I assume that I feel bad and that this does not have to be rational. And then I cry, I cry a lot, to see if my wounds can be healed by tears, or ice cream, or by hugs. And the fact is that they can sometimes be healed this way.

But other times… there is nothing that can calm the anxiety that I feel inside me. And I insist in front of my loved ones that it is not their fault. And no, there is nothing they can do. They can just be there with me… it’s sometimes even more helpful than actually doing something. I feel frustrated and angry. Because yes, psychologists are like topographers. We map the paths so that people can reach their happiness. This does not necessarily mean that you have figured out your path. As the saying goes, “The tailor’s wife is the worst clothing.”

Have you ever thought about this?

What are meta-feelings?

A meta-feeling is a feeling that comes from the recognition of another feeling. For example, when you feel guilty for being angry with a friend. Did you really have a reason to feel this way? If your answer is no, then congratulations, you do not have to keep reading if you do not want to. But most of us think we have it. Because otherwise we would not have felt this way. If this is your case and you would like to learn what to do with it, here we will see how to identify and deal with this type of feeling.

The truth is that it is normal for one emotion to bring with it other emotions. The real problem is that we cannot identify and channel these meta-emotions as they begin to affect our lives and our way of behaving. This is the case with many parents who feel guilty that they are happy.

What am I talking about? Families who have suffered a tragedy have been forced to survive instead of really living. Leisure time is therefore absolutely essential, and even more so if there are children involved. What creates this? When the main breadwinners in the family have a space to relax (go to a match with their friends, have a cup of coffee with colleagues…) or a necessity (like buying a jacket or going for a haircut) they ignore this because “it there are other priorities ” . And if they choose to do this thing, they will often feel guilty for having fun. The same thing happens when you have a sick family member.

Natural disasters

The lesson that the experience was not positive is positive in itself. I call this “natural disasters”. It is all the extreme negative and painful, and yet inevitable, life events that change you in some way. They change you for the better. It’s true that sometimes life seems to test you. You often ask yourself the typical “What have I done to deserve this?”.

The worst part is that there is often no answer to this question. You have not done anything to deserve it and a family member still gets sick. Or you get fired from your job or happen to commit a serious traffic accident. And no, you will never be the same again, nor do you know how to move forward with your new self. You as yourself, not as the people around you, those who have noticed that you have changed and that something is wrong. The pain persists, but now as something that is a part of you. You have accepted it and know it will not go away. But at the same time you can see the bright side of this and feel good about it.

They are natural disasters, because you can not prevent them. They destroyed everything you knew. And now they are a part of the past, but there is still a very noticeable trace of the damage they have caused. We all have our own natural disasters. And I want to say that no one is safe from these, but you are the one who decides what to do when they occur.

In 2011, out of the 365 days of the year, only 6 minutes of all this time caused a break in the lives of many people around the world. The tsunami in Japan caused 15,893 deaths, 172 injured and 8,405 missing. Two very different reactions came from the people who had gone through this experience. On the one hand, those who are now afraid of the sea for the rest of their lives. On the other hand, those who will integrate this event as part of their vital experience.

To stop cycling in order to move forward

Stop, breathe and think… life is full of cycles that we should stop. No one has a perfect life. Everything is a struggle, everything passes. In fact, we need these tough times to really realize how important it is to enjoy the top of the scales when we are there.

So how can you stop these cycles? The answer to this question takes me to a book that I read some time ago, and which was not like the usual type of self-help manuals. The book was filled with advice on how to say goodbye to people who were aware that they had a fatal disease. It can be summed up in the following four phrases: Sorry, I forgive you, I love you and I thank you.

Release your emotions

Now you’re probably asking yourself what to do with this information if you are not going through a fatal illness. You can say these four phrases to a person or situation that will not let you move forward. In other words, acknowledge your mistakes and those of others, but also acknowledge the good that you both did. Acknowledge the appreciation you have for that person and smile at that stage in your life.

Forgiveness does not mean that you are not responsible for your actions, but at the same time it allows you to let go of the things you have been rooted for. This offers you the opportunity to see yourself and others as much more complex and enriched entities. It no longer affects you, you can move forward. The book is about a woman who forgave her father, who had abused her, on his deathbed.

We are all humans. We all make mistakes. Forgiving life and yourself for these opportunities and decisions that you are not proud of and integrating them as part of your past, without feeling uncomfortable about it, is one of the most beautiful challenges there is. It is these people who will transform a natural disaster into a strong point in their lives and their personalities. And they will come back. They will return and look the sea straight in the eye and say “I am still here”.

None of us can choose our natural disaster, but we can choose whether to run away or become stronger. Mine started a while ago, and I had not changed any of what happened that has led me to where I am now.