Say What Bothers You When It Happens, Not When It’s Too Late

The most appropriate moment to point out that something is bothering you, overwhelming you or hurting you is now. Only now can you express it firmly and with the best words. Later it can be too much for you and it ends up with you getting an attack you do not want.

Some believe that the right amount of determination is difficult and selfish. Being determined without harming others is the most effective way to defend our personal and emotional rights. We do this by at the same time knowing how to respect the person we are dealing with.

One aspect to keep in mind and which also appears in articles in the magazine “The Guardian” is the need to develop determination in school and college. Certain children, students or adults are freer, more respectful and happier people.

Dignity should always be higher than fear, worry about not being second to others or fear of not being what others expect.

Acting decisively is part of having good self-esteem. It is the determined but respectful ability to assert oneself in the complex social circumstances we live in today. It is also clear that we cannot act aggressively by asserting our rights as if we were in a jungle. The key is balance, respect and knowing how to do.

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There is no greater source of stress and personal suffering than the need to be liked by all and fit in with what the rest expect of us. It is not a healthy exercise. The personal exhaustion that comes from this is incredible.

There is a constant need for recognition behind this type of tactic. It also means following the misconception that ” what others think of me is more important than what I think of myself” .

The first rule of self-esteem tells us that we must accept ourselves before we can be accepted by others. This involves being brave and resolving most knots:

• The knot that binds you to people who do not accept your way of feeling and seeing things.
• The courage to cut the thread that anchors you to the need for approval and complacency. Dare to think for yourself and accept that the rest do not have to share your view of the world or your way of understanding happiness.
• Also dare to untie the knot of passivity and fear of what people will say.

When something bothers us and we remain silent, a scab forms. If we swallow one annoyance after another, we will eventually be poisoned by our own poison. So if we choose to react at the last minute when we are fed with anger and frustration, others will look at us with confusion when they discover everything we have left in silence.

Determination is the compass of self-esteem. It is the voice that gives us dignity and defends our rights. Therefore, it is vital to develop the right strategies to integrate into our behavior:

These are some basic guidelines:

• Include verbs such as “I want”, “I like” and “I feel” in your everyday vocabulary. Become aware of the emotions you experience every time you use them.
• If you experience a confusing situation, do not close your eyes to it. If something bothers you, worries you or makes you anxious, you should clarify this “in the moment”.
• See the positive side of others. Give them encouragement for behaviors that enrich you and that you consider positive, or as Kant would say, that represent a “universal work.”
• When you experience a situation that fills you with anger or rage, take a breath of fresh air, breathe and translate all emotions into words through the correct use of phrases such as “I am upset because…”, “I feel offended because … ”

• Do not swear too much, do not use irony and do not belittle. Talk about your rights and needs, listen to others and do not be afraid to defend yourself. Respect yourself as you respect others. Be smart, be worthy.

Determination is the weapon of intelligence and self-preservation. When used wisely, it is the best energy to nurture your self-esteem.

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